How to remain in love

The spark is gone.

The flame has gone out.

The passion has cooled.

These are the clichés of an ebbing relationship.

This diminishment of feeling happens not only in romantic relationship: it can happen in our relationship with God as well.

Some of us have times in our relationship with God when we really feel the fire of the Holy Spirit: we have the enthusiasm, the energy, the excitement, and the passion for everything that is of God.

We pray all the time; we go to Church and fellowship every chance we get; we read Scripture and the writings of saints constantly; we play religious music loudly in our cars; we keep religious programming on our television constantly; we volunteer for every opportunity for Christian service or witness; and we make plans to enter the seminary or embrace the consecrated life or establish the most powerfully Christian family since Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

And then... somewhere along the line... things grow cool or even cold.

We no longer feel overflowing with love.

In today's Gospel (John 15:9-17), our Lord gives us the simplest and most perfect answers for remaining in love.

The first answer is that love ultimately cannot be sustained by human interest and willpower alone: truly everlasting love comes from God and through Christ.

As the Father loves me,
so I also love you.

Remain in my love.

The second answer is that love is more than just a feeling or a passive gift: it thrives and remains only when it is lived and when it is lived truly – that is, as God meant it to be.

If you keep my commandments,
you will remain in my love,
just as I have kept my Father's commandments
and remain in his love.

Both of these things are important not only in our relationship with God, but even in our human relationships.

If we do not feel the love of God within us, if we do not feel loved by God, then we will find it difficult to love another person fully and selflessly.

If we do not feel the love of God within us, if we do not feel loved by God, there will be a deep deficit in our hearts that cannot be filled on a human level no matter how hard we try (and in trying hard we cause even more problems for ourselves and our relationships).

Secondly, if we do not keep the commandments, if we do not live our lives in accordance with God's will, but rather live only according to our own desires or according to the latest fad of popular culture, we will lack that strong foundation that makes love last. Instead, we will treat "loved ones" like objects of desire, or milestones in our life-plan, or people on a television program.

So too in our relationship with God: it is not something that we can make happen or make deeper by act of will. Rather, we must release ourselves to God and keep ourselves always in his hand: letting him love us and feeling that love totally and fully.

Secondly, that love must become real in our lives. The love of God cannot last in someone who does not live according to the ways of God. Indeed, the more we follow the will and the commandments of God and the more our lives reflect the truth of God's revelation in Jesus Christ, the greater the love in our hearts and in our lives.

As the Father loves me,
so I also love you.

Remain in my love.

If you keep my commandments,
you will remain in my love,
just as I have kept my Father’s commandments
and remain in his love.

I have told you this
so that my joy may be in you
and your joy might be complete.