Best friends

One of the silliest things that people say in reaction to today’s first reading (from 2 Samuel 1) is that it proves that David and Jonathan had a homosexual relationship.

How misguided and shallow!

Deep emotional bonds between two people do not necessarily go hand in hand (so to speak) with genital intimacy – and often do not.

David, as was the practice at the time, was a polygamist. He already had more than one wife, would go on to have many wives, and would seduce at least one woman who was someone else’s wife.

Indeed, one of the many problems with polygamy is that it makes it much more likely that one’s “best friend” is not one of one’s spouses: as was the case with David.

But even if one’s spouse is indeed one’s best friend, spouses will have emotional bonds with other friends. These emotional bonds will be different and sometimes, such as when the friends share some past trauma, have a greater intensity in some ways.

The human heart, of course, is notoriously complex, and human willpower can be terribly weak. Vigilance is therefore important: one must not let any emotional bond cause a violation of chastity or harm to one’s life commitment.

Ideally, a married person’s “best friend” should always be one’s spouse. If that is not true, then it is vital for the husband and wife to work on deepening their friendship.

As for those for whom marriage remains yet a possibility in the future, they should always be engaged in discernment regarding friendship, commitment, emotions, and their vocation as a Christian. The same is also true with those for whom neither marriage nor formal celibacy is an option


For all of us as Christians, of course, our truly best friend must be our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

For the celibate, this friendship must be manifested in a unique and powerful way: otherwise celibacy becomes a burden – to the peril of one’s integrity and one’s ministry.

No matter who we are, friendship is a wonderful thing and we need to be careful to live it well.